A cruel taste of winter

How should you feel when you know that nobody will ever love you? I, personally, feel like a loser. I'm not so pretty like the other girls, not so clever, not so funny etc But I also need love. I need someone to love. I want somebody to love me. I don't know how to describe what I feel. Pissed off much? Worst feeling EVER?

I'll never hear 'I love you'. I'll never be held tight. I won't be kissed good night. The cruel truth.

Love isn't a thing you can find under the christmas tree. And it's a thing I never had and I'll never get.

I'm not gonna give up so easy

So. 
Actually, I don't know what to say. Everything's so strange. I'm unsure of myself and edgy. From time to time the thoughts of 'I'm not going to make it' rush through my head. I know I want that but I'm not good enough. A. keeps telling me 'Don't be such coward. Hey, you'll have me and it'll be soooo exciting! Especially in the beginning.', but I just get even more frightened. 
And. Those things with X. Yes, I'm completely jealous for everybody who has a lover. And it really annoys me that he's in a relationship too. But sometimes it seems that I'm jealous because I like him. 
Most of the time I think that's simply impossible.Anyway, I don't even know if I can trust him. Looks like the backround is clear but there are little things which make me misdoubt. And also the old story which should be forgotten...
Well, he's coming back to the city soon and I'm pretty sure we'll make things clear by then.